Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
