awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Someone came in the potted fern
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize