just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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