she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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