I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The Olympian is in my bed
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