It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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