he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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