he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
