did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
