consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
