Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
