YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
