I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
