She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
