it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
