You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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