I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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