If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
