What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
