yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im holly from the hills drunk
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
