Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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