Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
