I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
