Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
