the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
