she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
