Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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