have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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