I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
