I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
