I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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