I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
