the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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