am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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