Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
