I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
