i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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