Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
