I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
