I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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