That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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