If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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