none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My bed smells like the plague
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize