Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think pants incapable of making pants work
not ubering you a puppy
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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