R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
