my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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