Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
