I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
