We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
