The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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