Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
