Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
