Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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