I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
