y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize