He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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