i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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