Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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