My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
