Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Terrible idea I love it
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
