Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
