Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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