I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
