I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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