dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
