i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
