How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
