I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
