Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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