You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
