reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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