Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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