Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize