are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
