Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
