I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
