Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
