I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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