pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
