What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
birth control should be required to get into college
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
