I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
