Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize