I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
